Leave Tom Cruise Alone, You Bastards! - Valkyrie Pushed Back

After the trash journalism of Fox News’ Roger Friedman declared that Tom Cruise’s film Valkyrie ‘is a set up for not only failure, but ridicule.’ Untied Artist, run by Tom and his long time business partner Paula Wagner, have shifted the films release date back to January 2009.

This is the film’s third release date and it does feel like it’s waiting for the anti-Tom buzz to die down a bit. Which, we have to say is making us a bit protective of the old ‘Tomster’. Give the multi-millionaired, religious cult leader a bloody chance for God’s sake.

We can’t wait for the new ‘Tom’ (We’re calling him ‘Comedy Tom’) which will be introduced via a cameo in Ben Stiller’s next ‘Tropic Thunder’. ‘Comedy Tom’ will finally be unleashed in all his glory starring beside Stiller in ‘The Hardy Men’. A piss take of the ‘Hardy Boys’, the now older, estranged and bitter crime fighting brothers.

Look into our eye, deep into our eyes and repeat after us, ‘Scientology Tom Cruise never existed. We can’t wait for Comedy Tom Cruise.'...Now, give us all your money.